Turn Around

Fortunately, my bank did indeed catch the error before I was up on Friday morning. That was a big load off of my mind.

I was also able to pay the mortgage payment online, which was another time and energy saver.

Saturday evening I went application hunting just in case the Williams Sonoma job falls through. I completed a Pier One app there in-store and brought home apps for Michaels and Bed, Bath & Beyond.

I would very much enjoy Pier One or Michaels, and I'm feeling really good about Pier One.

Tonight I joined Carrie and Amy at the theater to see "Quantom of Solace", the latest 007 movie. I have to say I really enjoyed it.

Once I got home I cleaned the entire kitchen, set the counter with two place settings, and made Scott's lunch for tomorrow. I've also been hanging pictures on the walls and getting clothes hung up in the closet, in addition to clearing space in the garage so I can park my car in it.

Right now Scott is trying to fix the kitchen table.

I feel better in general about things.

Tomorrow I'm planning to collect sticks and leaves and lay them out in the garage to dry so I can hot glue them together into wreaths, finish filling out the applications and deliver them and my Williams Sonoma paperwork.

When Life Gets You Down...

Today I deposited a $2000 check into my checking account, in person, at a bank.

When I got home and went online to schedule some online bill pay stuff, it shows that the teller credited me $200.

Today I also went in to Williams Sonoma (I received a voicemail on the 6th that they want to hire me) to do "paperwork."

When I got there they handed me a packed and told me to fill it out and bring it back "whenever" because the company that owns the mall is declaring bankruptcy. SERIOUSLY?

Our Florida landlord legally has fifteen days to refund our deposit and last month's rent. He legally has thirty days to notify us in writing if he intends to claim any of the deposit.

Our Florida landlord is currently in Nicuragua with no phone and no power.

I'm Going to Lose My Mind

Today is Scott's last day of work here in Key West. We are narrowing down places to live in Georgia and have only 13 days before we are planning to leave.

Today the company in Bingen, WA emailed Scott and asked him to call for an interview.

I feel like my emotions have been run through a cement mixer and splatted out onto the road.

If that wasn't enough to make me just sit down and cry, last night my bosses told me they are pregnant. She is 36 and has been off birth control for about six months.

I'm 32 and have been off birth control for TWO YEARS.

I can honestly say this is the first time since we've been "trying" that having a friend tell me they are pregnant has bothered me at all.

I'm sure it's because I have so many other things to deal with right now, but I'm really having a hard time not being actively jealous.

A Little Bit About the Past

You remember back when you were a kid and you thought about the year "2000?" I think I was probably in about 3rd or 4th grade when it entered my consciousness, and I realized I would be 24 in the magical year 2000. Considering that my biggest worries at the time were how to fend off my enemies and getting out of doing homework, I could not fathom what sort of worries could possibly beleaguer someone that old.

As it turns out, the year I was 24 was probably one of my most difficult. Shortly before my birthday I began dating someone I had been interested in about a year previous during one of the many "breaks" in a relationship with someone else (hereafter known as Guitar Guy). For some reason, we thought it would be a good idea to get married immediately. I was not pregnant and neither of us were in need of a green card, but we planned and executed a wedding in three months - complete with nine attendants each, two candlelighters, a ring bearer, a Bible boy and ten "snowflake chuckers" (it was a December wedding).

My husband thought it would be a good idea to move away from the community I had lived in the majority of my life, so we moved to Moyie Springs, Idaho. In January. With one vehicle. And no TV.

Our home was a beautiful little chalet that was open on the bottom floor with the exception of a bathroom. It had a door to the outside on all four sides of the house and a circular wrought iron staircase in the middle. The two upstairs bedrooms were mostly unusable because A) it is hard to carry furniture up a spiral staircase and B) it is hard to heat an upper floor with just a wood stove downstairs.

We placed our four-poster bed in the corner (see diagram) nearest the wood stove and lived miserably there for about two and a half months.

My then-husband had obtained a job before we moved and the place that was employing him had promised me one as well. They lied. I had nothing to do and no way to get there in any case, as he took the truck every morning.

I was alone from about 7 am to 7pm Monday through Friday. I read every book I owned within about the first three weeks. I was also on the internet a lot, as our cell phones only worked in one corner of the house, on a clear day.

I managed to disguise my despair to everyone but my mother, who flew to see us and told my then-husband that he had better move me immediately or there would be a dire situation. She was right. If not for adopting a cat that I spent all my time with daily, I don't know if I would have survived.

We moved to a trailer in Hermiston, Oregon in mid-March for about three weeks while we looked for a place to live in College Place, Washington. By this time we both realized that our marriage had problems beyond removing me from my environment, but he took a job that required him to be gone 4 to 6 nights a week and when he did come home I felt like he was invading my space.

I moved out and we decided to divorce right about the middle of April. I got a job back in my familiar neck of the woods and rented my first apartment of my own. I learned to deal with budgeting my finances and having full responsibility for myself.

I adopted a second cat (I got the first one when we split) and got back together with Guitar Guy (if the truth be told, I was not over him to begin with, one of MANY nails in our marriage coffin).

Our divorce was filed just before I turned 25, and was final in November. We were leading very separate lives by the time the first anniversary of our wedding rolled around.

It took me a long time to be able to tell many of my friends and family that I was getting/had gotten a divorce. I was so embarrassed to admit to so many of them that this thing I had attempted was a failure.

Now seven years later, I am glad for the experiences of that year, but would not want to re-live them for anything.

I am not afraid to get married again, and am anxiously waiting for April 12, 2008 to come!

The Right Stuff

I am listening to the New Kids On the Block. Why? Because I have come to the realization that if I am not interacting with music in some way EVERY DAY, I am nothing.

I don't know how I let myself get into the rut forgetting that I act like I'm a stoned zombie stumbling through my life if I don't have music.

I have trouble getting motivated to write (blog, music, whatever), clean, anything but sleep.

I take an anti-anxiety and anti-depression medication, which helps, but if I listen to music, I'm actually better off than if I had the "best day ever" medicated or otherwise.

I'm not going off my meds... I'm just realizing that in order to kick my own butt into gear, I have to be listening to or making music.

My laptop is sitting on the kitchen counter hooked up to some external speakers (thanks, Dad!) and itunes is running a shuffle through my "old school" playlist. Consequently I've been cleaning and cooking nonstop for the last two hours.

Sounds like the Right Stuff to me.