Showing posts with label anxiety. Show all posts
Showing posts with label anxiety. Show all posts

Friday, May 17, 2013

Road Trip Zoo Move Day 1

Grovetown, GA to Smyrna/Nashville, TN - 362 Miles

We got up around 7a, got right to work cleaning and packing and loading the truck. Cassandra came over to help mid-morning and stayed until we pulled out of the driveway. Phil also came by and helped load the truck for about an hour. 



The walk through with the landlord was originally scheduled for 11a, but Sunday afternoon it was pretty clear that we wouldn’t even be close by then, so I called and rescheduled for 3p. As the new deadline loomed, we were pretty certain that we weren’t going to have everything out and clean by 3, but the landlord showed up right on time anyway (of course)! He was very understanding and is only keeping enough out of our deposit to replace the bathroom door, two window screens, and some blinds in the front room (a few were destroyed thanks to Bento and Rousey). These were all costs I expected and am happy to incur to not have to deal with the repair/replacement myself.

We finally pulled out of the driveway around 6p but still then weren’t actually on the road. We had to make stops at the vet for Chou’s prescription cat food and some Alprazolam prescribed for Bento, at Atlanta Bread Co for food (for me and mom since our car went to the vet), at Arby’s for food (for Scott & Andy with the truck), at Walmart for an air mattress (for Andy) and the Budget rental location to pick up the towing dolly.

The towing dolly was an adventure all in itself, the instructions are printed on big labels that are pasted to each of the wheels, but the bottom half of them has worn or torn off. It took some maneuvering but the Civic was finally loaded on the dolly and secured for travel.

It was 8:30p when we pulled on to Highway 20, heading west.

The three cats were in their carrier and didn’t make a sound. The two dogs are in the back with a baby gate rigged up between them and the front seats (this was a necessity, all the quick stops we made trying to get out of town were a little hampered by a dog jumping up in to whichever front seat had been vacated). Stinkerbell was riding in a soft sided carrier that she had spent all day in while we were finishing the move-out.

Our progress was decent and reasonably uneventful, we were originally planning to stop at a friend’s house in Smyrna, TN (just outside of Nashville). We made a stop at a rest area to let the dogs do their business, at which time I gave Bento an Alprazolam (Xanax in a doggie dosage). The prescription said 1-2 pills every six hours for anxiety, and he was wound pretty tight after seeing us empty the house and then be cooped up in the car for several hours. At this stop I also let the cats and Stinkerbell out of their respective carriers, Stink took up residence in my lap, and Maui decided he wanted to be there, too. Stink wasn’t thrilled with having Maui sitting on top of her, so she scrambled out from underneath and climbed up onto his back. She laid down, straddling him like a cat straddles the back of a couch, her tail dangling in his face. He didn’t seem to mind too much. Then Minx decided she wanted to be in the front window on the dash, so she climbed up next to the steering wheel, stepping on the windshield wiper/wash/turn signal stick, filling the windshield with cleaner and wipers working furiously.

The next stop was at a gas station, to fill the truck and top off the car. While stopped there, we had a quick pow-wow and decided that arriving at a friend’s house at 2a and THEN setting up a tent and finding all of our things did NOT sound like fun.

Mom did some research on her phone and called the La Quinta in Smyrna, reserving us a room with two queen beds. We pulled in around 2:30a and soon decided it would be beneficial to have a second room, as Andy was feeling overwhelmed and exhausted and there was not enough room to put out his air mattress.

I had decided the cats would stay in the car, they have a litter box, carrier and blankets, and the big water-cooler style water bowl stays in the car. I fed them and bid them goodnight.

In the motel, Bento was getting more and more hyper, trying to escape out the door, jumping up on both beds, looking out the window. I thought that maybe eating dinner would calm him down some, but first I gave him another Alprazolam since it had been 4 or 5 hours.  I served the dogs dinner, with their usual twice daily dosage of Benadryl. 


About 10 minutes later Bento started falling in to things and stumbling. As his body stopped cooperating, his mind was wound tighter and tighter, shortly the poor dog was high as a kite. Pupils the size of dinner plates, but legs that moved like they had 15lb weights attached to each foot.  He was confused and desperate. 

He tried jumping up on one bed, then jumping down (collapsing in a heap on the floor every time), jumping on the other bed, etc. Stumbled back and forth to the door, pushing it with his nose so it moved in the door frame, making a noise not generally acceptable in a hotel at 3a. 

By this time, I was so exhausted I could not handle the stress that came with accidentally over-medicating my dog.  I started to have my own panic attack. 

Panic attacks for me aren't hyperventilating, they are vomiting and diarrhea. I spent the next six hours trying to control myself, after having established that Bento wasn't likely to die from his experience (I called the vet) but it would have to wear off.

I finally got to sleep around 9a Tuesday morning, and slept for two hours.

Friday, March 06, 2009

Updates

funny pictures of dogs with captions
see more dog and puppy pictures

I went to the doctor this last Monday, mostly because I needed to find a doc here in GA for prescription refills and such, but we're also going to start trying to find out if there's anything amiss in our efforts to get pregnant.

Along with that, I wanted to switch anti-anxiety meds NOW instead of after becoming pregnant, because who needs raging hormones AND withdrawal?! As it turns out, Lexapro is actually safe to take while pregnant. I am currently on 20mg and will try to go down to 10mg, but not having to switch at all is a big relief.

Life has been hectic lately... It seems like the last few weeks my brain has only been capable of work, food and sleep.

Fortunately I love my job and I actually perform better with a bit of pressure, so things are going great in that aspect.

The house is a little chaotic, we have a guest at the moment and I feel really bad when I keep coming home and she has cleaned my kitchen! I'm off today though, and plan to get a head start on her so she can just relax.

In the food arena I'm trying to eat on a regular basis, which has been hard with everything that's been going on, but I'm down to about 125lbs without trying and if I am going to get pregnant I'll need to be better about nourishing myself.

Thursday, February 26, 2009

Sneaky

I shouldn't be surprised that I'm up at 3:37 trying not to throw up.

I'm in the midst of an anxiety attack.

I'm actually amazed that I've done so well with all the stress and chaos since we moved from Key West, it's just that I've really poured myself into work and let that keep my mind busy.

This week my mind has taken over again... a friend has had to make a very hard decision and I am one of her only means of support.

I've also been picking up some slack at work, which would normally be fine but my health hasn't been the best lately... I fainted at the bank last week and when I weighed myself last night I'm down to 124.

Fortunately I have a doctor appointment set up for this coming Monday morning, to get checked in general and in specific to see if there's anything we can do to try and have kids show up.

It doesn't help my nausea much that Scott just burned a bag of popcorn.

Wednesday, October 08, 2008

Stay Calm

cat
more animals

I'm sure that I will jinx the whole thing by talking about it - but I believe we're moving to Georgia. We picked a house tonight (I'll post pics as soon as the lease is signed) and are going to call tomorrow to schedule the movers.

I'm excited - I would love to go home to the northwest, but going anywhere new is cool, too. I'm hoping that we will be more free to travel "home" from Augusta than from Key West, I'd really like to be at my Family Reunion and Family Camping Trip next summer.

Of course, I'm having a hard time sleeping because my brain keeps making lists of things that need to be done before we move or in order to move.

And, there's a bit of added stress because someone is apparently illegal in Georgia.

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

My trip...

This is going to be mostly pictures, at least at first... with a bit of narration in between.

Friday I left Key West around 4:30pm. This was the plane I took to Fort Myers.

I got to sit next to the pilot.


The views were amazing.

After a quick connection in Houston, I arrived into Portland around 11pm and after being picked up, was immediately dropped off to join Chelsea's bachelorette party.

They had already completed three events and were now salsa dancing and doing karaoke.

I closed out the night with Billy Joel's Piano Man and Monica and I went back to her house and everyone crashed.

Saturday morning I was supposed to be at the dressmaker's house at 9am, and once Monica and I made a quick trip to Starbucks and wandered around the long way, we arrived. The dress fit fine, and she measured the hem.

Then we proceeded with the days' events - church, lunch, a wedding in Salem. Through the course of the day I managed to down about four times my usual caffeine quota and had no nap. This lead to my anxiety attack Sunday morning around 1:30am that lasted until around 6am... I finally got to sleep around 7:30am and slept until 10am, when I got up and had to go and fetch my bridesmaid dress.

The wedding on Sunday was at Bridal Veil Lakes, a beautiful location a bit outside of Portland up the Columbia Gorge. The wedding theme was 70's...and the guests were also requested to dress in theme.
It was quite a large turnout and the whole afternoon was a riot. I disintegrated into a walking heap of sleep around 6:30pm (the wedding started at 3pm) and Mom and Lou took me back home where I crawled into my bed on the couch and didn't get up until 10am on Monday.

Monday was Monica's birthday, so we started off the day with breakfast with another friend and one of Monica's sisters-in-law at Biscuits Cafe in Clackamas. We enjoyed fabulous omelettes that come with pancakes AND hashbrowns.
After a day of shopping, 30 of us gathered at Claim Jumper in Clackamas to celebrate her birthday, then I went back to Mom's, packed, tried to nap, and was dropped off at the airport at about 11:15pm. I checked in and my flight left just after midnight.

This trip was way too quick. I barely had time to breathe.

Sunday, August 24, 2008

Hate It, Hate It, Hate It!

It is 4:09am PST, and I am up. Of course.

Throwing up and diarrhea.

Not enough sleep last night, no nap today, not enough fluids today, too much rich food, too much caffeine...

When will I learn? This body just isn't 23 anymore.

Prayers, please.

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Don't Try This At Home

One year ago I weighed 141 lbs.

This morning I weighed 127 lbs.

This was not intentional, and pretty much due to stress.

Just in case anyone is worried, I am eating.

Sunday, April 13, 2008

All Done

We got married today.

Right now I'm trying not to throw up.

I really hate this anxiety crap.

Fun stories and pictures soon.

***********************************
Just threw up. Just a little. Trying to relax.

Tuesday, April 08, 2008

T-4 Days and Counting...

I just called a cab to pick us up in about an hour and a half... we're mostly packed and just rounding up the last phone chargers, makeup, etc.

All the wedding stuff is pretty much ready to roll, we just have to show up and say yes.

I haven't puked again since Sunday morning and managed to eat a little Sunday and last night.

As one of my coworkers said to me yesterday - Feliz Matrimonio!

:)

Sunday, April 06, 2008

T-6 Days and Counting...

I've puked at LEAST 6 times in the last half hour. I've been pacing in the back yard, praying, and calling to leave my boss a voicemail to let her know I may have to come in late.

I think that's the thing that gets to me most about the panic attacks, is that I get myself worked up worrying that I'm going to let someone down.

Ultimately I have to accept that life can go on with or without me, whether I'm in charge of it or not.

I think my problem tonight is that I haven't slept well again this week, got a sunburn on Thursday, and haven't been drinking enough water to make up for either of those things. Then I ate junk for supper followed by a half of a giant chocolate chip cookie that has since been regurgitated.

I am not really stressed about the wedding. I know that I will survive this and be fine, and if necessary will get a doctor to prescribe me drugs so I can get through the thing doped to high heaven.

Right now I need to relax and breathe. And pray a lot more.

Friday, April 04, 2008

T-8 Days and Counting

Coincidentally, I am wearing size 8 shorts today. Before any of you curse me (except those of you fabulous ladies that are size 6 and 4 and 2), my wedding dress was purchased a size 12. Ha ha ha. This will be interesting.

I have 7 out of 16 embroidery items finished, and am halfway through #8. One of the items that arrived in the mail yesterday was useless, as it is the wrong size, so it will have to be returned. That made me double check the items that arrived on Wednesday, and sure enough, one of THOSE was the wrong size as well. I gave it to our friend Jenny.

I still need to acquire 5 items and get them embroidered in the next 8 days.

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

The Demon Goes DOWN.

Sunday Stinkerbell and I slept for about 15 hours straight. It did us both a lot of good.

Since then I have managed to get about 7 hours of sleep a night - in increments of at least an hour and a half at a time, which is a vast improvement.

I have been battling some pretty major muscle spasms, which made sleep difficult, and couldn't take much for them since my stomach wouldn't accept nourishment without wanting to return it.

After losing four pounds in four days I forced myself to eat a few bites the last few nights and today followed a small sandwich with some naproxen which has already started working.

My goal now is to get good sleep and hydration every day between now and the wedding (25 days for those that are counting).

Oh yeah and to RELAX.

Something that has helped already is that the vets that operated on Stinkerbell last week came into the store today. I described how she's doing and they assured me that she's healed enough that I can stop doping her and even take her off the pain meds.

Knowing my baby is ok makes sleep much easier!

Saturday, March 15, 2008

The Demon Rears It's Ugly Head


I often like to portray that my life is very organized and under control. Most of the time I think I pull it off... balancing my home zoo and work zoo and wedding plans...


But not this week.


For those who don't know, I have a problem with anxiety. (*WARNING - GRAPHIC ICKINESS FOLLOWING*) My anxiety attacks manifest by convincing my body to empty itself through every portal possible.


As a child, when a boy I had a crush on sat down next to me I rushed off to the bathroom and threw up. This continued in high-school, and it's hard to convince your boyfriend that he doesn't gross you out when you puke after every make-out session.


After a tragic breakup, I was unable to eat for about 5 days ( I tried, but it would just come back up) and the doctor finally told me I had to at least keep down a milkshake or she was going to admit me.


I started medication around this time for depression and anxiety, I don't remember what the first one was, but one of them was Paxil. I've also been on Welbutrin before settling on Lexapro.
About 5 years ago I had a major run in with the demon. A good friend had recently passed away at a very young age and I took it upon myself to try and take care of the family she left behind (husband and two kids) and the rest of our social group that was grieving. One Friday night I started throwing up and having diarrhea and it didn't stop. My mom came to rescue me and took me to her house. We turned off my cell phone and I spent the next four days going back and forth from her bed to her bathroom floor. I couldn't take any anti-diarrhea or anti-nausea meds because nothing would stay in either end. I was convinced I was going to die. I went to the ER and they gave me some fluids, and the next day I sat down with a counselor and started working on letting the stress go.

I had to learn to not try and be "the strong one" and learn to accept help from my friends and loved ones instead of being the one giving all the help. It took me quite a while to get a handle on that.

Fortunately, those that love me love me regardless of the fact that sometimes I am a puke and poop fountain. They know that I can get overwhelmed and need to take care of myself.
The last week or so I have not slept well and starting on Thursday afternoon had some "bowel issues" that left me dehydrated and wiped out. When we got home from fetching Stinkerbell from the vet yesterday I was already struggling. As she came out of anesthesia it became clear that she was going to need constant supervision or sedation to keep her from licking and digging at her incision. I got the ok from the vet to give her a quarter of a Benadryl and then left her in Scott's care while I attempted to go to bed.

When he came to bed I woke up and knew instantly that I was not ok. This was around 2am. He and the Stinker went to bed so he could make sure she was sleeping, and I took up residence on the bathroom floor.

After a couple of phone calls and prayers from my mom and another friend, I went out to the back yard and just paced and tried to breathe. I sent out about 20 text messages asking for prayer and have had an overwhelming response from right after I sent them to this afternoon - everyone assuring me that they are praying hard for me and checking to see if I am ok.

Once I came inside I took a Benadryl myself and tried to sleep, finally getting about 20 minutes at a time until around 9am this morning, when I took another half Benadryl and relaxed enough to REALLY sleep.

I am so thankful that God holds my life and plans. I don't need to worry about the details.

Stress, you have not beaten me yet.

Sunday, January 27, 2008

Demotivation

I'm off today and it's my last day off before Scott's family comes to visit on Friday. I'm sitting on the couch with Chou and we are watching Comedy Central.

I need to go to the grocery store. I also need to do more laundry. And put away my scrapbooking stuff. And find Scott's military paperwork.

I'm a little overwhelmed right now, and anxiety is rearing it's head at me. Last night I had a very difficult time going to sleep despite the fact that I took a sleeping pill and was already falling asleep on the couch. Once I got to bed my mind would just not stop processing details for the wedding, my refinance, that we're probably moving in a few weeks into a house nearby...

I need a personal assistant, maid, chef and a few clones would be nice.

Wednesday, October 24, 2007

Early AM Attitude

It's 6:00am on the dot. There is a skunk sleeping very sweetly in my lap. I am going back to bed.

This is not an hour that usually exists in my world... but my almost-husband got out of bed at 3am (I woke up) to get in the bathtub because he was having chills. I woke up at 3:30 and realized he was still in there and of course was sure he had drowned. He was safe but shortly after getting out of the bath he re-filled the tub with his dinner.

We just spent two hours on the couch letting animals have their therapeutic way with him and teaching him to breathe the square.

I guess this is a time when I am thankful I have had to learn some self-calming techniques.

Wednesday, August 01, 2007

The Right Stuff

I am listening to the New Kids On the Block. Why? Because I have come to the realization that if I am not interacting with music in some way EVERY DAY, I am nothing.

I don't know how I let myself get into the rut forgetting that I act like I'm a stoned zombie stumbling through my life if I don't have music.

I have trouble getting motivated to write (blog, music, whatever), clean, anything but sleep.

I take an anti-anxiety and anti-depression medication, which helps, but if I listen to music, I'm actually better off than if I had the "best day ever" medicated or otherwise.

I'm not going off my meds... I'm just realizing that in order to kick my own butt into gear, I have to be listening to or making music.

My laptop is sitting on the kitchen counter hooked up to some external speakers (thanks, Dad!) and itunes is running a shuffle through my "old school" playlist. Consequently I've been cleaning and cooking nonstop for the last two hours.

Sounds like the Right Stuff to me.