I'm not giving up, but it's been so much easier to just post little bursts of things on FB than collect my thoughts here in one cohesive post at a time. I have managed to post somewhat regularly to our food/recipe blog, but that's different.
All of last year was crazy. As you can see, the last two posts were nearly five months apart!
As much as I'd like to blame all of my problems on Facebook, that really isn't fair.
The true culprit is Depression and Anxiety. I have acquired them both genetically, and once I quit my job they started to creep back in. I held them both at bay for most of last year with Lexapro, something I had been on since about 2003, but I started to wean myself off of it due to several side effects I didn't want to cater to anymore (the worst being VERY vivid nightmare/hallucinations nightly for the last five years).
Going off of any kind of medication can be difficult, and I did this as slow as possible - I took almost three months! Choosing to go OFF of a depression and anxiety medication over the holidays (and during the darkest point in the year) was probably not the most fabulous choice, but I suffered through (as has my HusBean, friends, and family).
I was hoping originally to not be on any kind of medication for depression OR anxiety, but have found that at least during the winter, I just can't do it by myself. "It" being life.
Last year was largely overshadowed with medical issues in our household, fibroid for me, the decline and eventual passing of our family dog, the near-passing of one of the cats, getting HusBean on a new regimen to battle his Diabetes... and then I was diagnosed with PCOS in December. In the process of that diagnosis I was referred to a new primary care doctor (I chose to leave the last one when she wasn't interested in removing the fibroid) who I finally met with this week.
I have suffered from neck/back and random joint pain and chronic fatigue for many years and no doctor has ever done much about those complaints. Sometimes they would have me sit up straight, feel my back and say "you're fine" or prescribe me a sleep aid so I can sleep through the night and not be so tired during the day.
This new doc listened to my history and my complaints and while she is having the lab run some blood tests to rule out other things, she is calling it Fibromyalgia for now. You can go read about it for yourself, but the main thing to understand is that it is not a disease, but more a name for a group of symptoms that have no other identifiable cause. The symptoms are often exacerbated by depression, they generally go hand-in-hand but it is not a matter of the body pain being "all in your head"... it's real, and it is exhausting.
The doctor prescribed me a new depression medication (hooray!) which is known to also help somewhat with fibro symptoms.
Another thing that is helping with depression and anxiety is that we got a new dog! After Buster passed we decided to wait awhile before getting another dog, as having three cats, a dog, and an exotic can be a lot to manage at once, but we happened upon this guy and fell in love.
I learned about him from a Boxer Butts and Other Mutts (a rescue organization) on Facebook (see! It's good for something!) that my cousin is associated with.
I was in Portland in late January and saw his picture on their profile. I copied it to my phone and sent it to HusBean, and that was pretty much it. By the time I got back to Georgia everything had been settled and we drove to Asheville, NC to pick him up the very next day!
We have named him Bento, HusBean says it is because he is our little happy-meal. He is just over a year old and still quite energetic, so there is no sleeping all day for me anymore and we go on 1/2 mile to 1.5 mile walks daily.
I'm hoping to get back in the routine of blogging here, and other creative projects (and housework!) soon.