Tuesday, November 20, 2007

Heading Home...

My travels yesterday began when Scott dropped me off at the Key West airport. My flight was scheduled to leave at 4:22pm, so we arrived at the terminal at about 3:45pm. I unloaded my purse, pillow and suitcase from the car and then hauled out the big duffle bag from the trunk. At the last second I decided to grab the little neck pillow from the back window (you know the kind - all squishy and have names like SQWISHEE!) for some added comfort.

The pillow had been in the back window of the BMW for quite some time and apparently had melded to the upholstery. As I retrieved it, the casing tore and brought forth 3,496,872 little white SQWISHEE! beads. All. Over. The. Car. And my head. And down my shirt and pants and in my shoes. And in my pockets.

I took a quick moment to attempt to dust myself of the blizzard and then made my way into the building and to the ticket counter. I checked my bags and received a boarding pass, then made my way through security with about 5 minutes to spare before boarding.

In Miami I had about 20 minutes between flights and used it to hit up an airport Starbucks for a Venti Black Tea Lemonade. I sucked it down in about 10 minutes, boarded the next plane, and by the time my flight landed in Dallas, my bladder was in state-of-emergency mode. I was seated in the very back of the plane and was concerned that our late arrival meant I would miss my connection to Portland.

As I speedwalked off the aircraft, I found my next gate and was exceedingly grateful to discover that my next flight was also delayed. I waddled my thankful bladder to the nearest restroom with the intention of relieving my discomfort. I was carrying a large shoulder-bag and a full size pillow. The stall had one hook. Pillows are not made for hooks.

I hung the bag on the hook, undid my pants with one hand and then carefully held the pillow between my knees to er, do my business. It was then that I noticed that I had about 2 cups of SQWISHEE! beads in my nether regions. I'm sure a few were quite literally pissed away, but the remainder were not going down without a fight.

It is very difficult to remove something from that part of your anatomy with a full sized pillow held carefully between your knees.

I managed to eradicate most of the little buggers, and boarded the last flight hoping I had got them all.

When I changed my clothes for bed last night I shed about another 2.5 cups of beads on my mother's guestroom floor, thanks to the castaways lurking in my bra, scalp and navel.

11 comments:

Ninja Of The Mundane said...

Somehow this is the sort of thing that seems like it could only happen to you.

Thanks for the laugh. Or, rather, several hundred laughs, to be accurate.

I hope you don't poop any beads tomorrow.

ReesePie said...

don't worry. if I do - you'll be the first to know!

Roxy said...

Hey.....are we still doing supper at the OSF...on Sunday?

Where and what time?

Atypical California Girl said...

No Jim, that could happen to me, too.
Have fun on your trip, Reese!

ReesePie said...

Thanks, Jill!

david mcmahon said...

Rule of Life # 174B:

It takes only 3000 polysterene balls to fill an object, but when that object breaks or tears, 55.3 million polysterene balls will immediately fight their way out in triumph ....

Roxy said...

So....when we have dinner Sunday evening....will you still be shedding your little balls?...:)

kelsie-lou said...

BAH-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!

How many little balls in your infamous crack???? ;)

Dan said...

Beads in nether regions! Goodness. As if travelling wasn't already a huge pain in the ass! :)

Happy Thanksgiving (day after). :)

Kelsie-lou said...

Just so ya know, I've been sending my friends here to read this if they seem like they need a chuckle... :)

ReesePie said...

Send anyone you want... my crack is infamous and so shall it's contents be. Amen.